Why always me?		Written by Matdeception

Disclaimer: Ranma ˝ was created, and is owned by Rumiko Takahaisha. No
infringement intended. Gold Digger was created, and is owned by Fred
Perry. No infringement intended. Send all death threats, flames, and
stupid questions to narkanarka@hotmail.com. Thanks

Outside Kyoto

"ROT IN HELL GENMA!" screamed the oompa lumpa who had interrupted my pop
before he could explain the process and point of this 'Neko-Ken'
training he had been harping about for the last few weeks. When he
explained it was some kind of 'Ultimate' technique I was all hot and
bothered to get that bad boy under my belt as soon as I could. Yeah,
though pop's didn't know, I was kinda plotting his untimely demise as
the ultimate result of my Cat fist training. Teach that little slime to
steal my dinner all the time. Heh.

Currently my pop was recovering from the flying kick to the head he had
received from the little cabbage patch dweb. I couldn't bring myself to
help the fat fool; it was kinda hilarious to watch the little worm
squirm like he was. Now, don't go getting into your heads that I really
enjoy watching my father get the hell beat out of him like this. Nope, I
rather respected the fat slob. Despite being a totally worthless waste
of filth, and a scourge I had every intention of wiping from the face of
the earth, he was an accomplished fighter and sensei. That I could
respect.

"M-M-M-aster!" squealed the stuck pig I like to think of as family as he
adopted a rather impressive cowardly stance. Despite my young and
relatively inexperienced mind I knew pops, who at this moment in time
was the ultimate in martial arts shiznats that I knew, would bow before
no man unless that man was indeed his better. How this shriveled, who I
can honestly say looked like 3 year old rotting cabbage, 'thing' could
garner such respect was beyond me, so I wisely remained out of the
fight. Wasn't my place anyway, I figured.  Instead I wandered over to
the pit pop's had been guiding me to and stared inside. Cats? Pissed off
looking cats if the way they were killing each other, some even feasting
on the innards of the poor runts of the group who had been slaughtered
first as starvation began setting in, was any indication. This was kinda
cool!

"Genma! For what you did to me YOU WILL PAY!" the troll snapped as he
began beating on pop's cowed form. "B-b-b-ut Master! ERK!" I winced when
the little guy rammed what I could only guess as his knee into Pop's
crotch, eliciting a rather girlish scream and causing an echoing crack
for all to hear. That couldn't have felt good, so I winced in sympathy.
Pop's must have done something really bad to piss this hell spawn off.
Heh, oh well.

With pop down as he was, the 'master' jumped back and pulled out a
rather silly looking toy gun - looked like a super soaker I think -, and
took aim at pops. Now, as I said earlier I didn't really 'like' watching
pops get the hell beat out of him, but killing is something I would not
stand for! Killing pop was /my/ job, not some undersized little shit
head's. So with a "Kiyaaaaahh" I surprised the old fug with a round
house that knocked the 'gun' away from his hands, and then a palm strike
to its forehead. Immediately I realized my mistake.

"OWOWOWOWWWWIE! What the hell is your head made of you old freak?" I
screech, trying to cradle and protect my left hand from further injury.
That little fug's head really really hurt! "Who the hell are you!
Damnit, I'll teach you to disrespect your Elders!" the 'thing' retorted
as it lunged at me in a speed I could hardly believe was possible, much
less follow.

"Duck boy!" yelled pops. I shot a glance over my shoulder and noticed he
'acquired' that weird 'gun' I managed to get away from 'master'. Doing
as ordered, I floored to the ground, completely assuming like the retard
I was that pop's knew what he was doing. Boy how wrong I was, and both
me and the 'Master' would pay the price in full.

At first it started as a pinprick of emerald-white energy, forming in
the span of a nano-second into a ball of pulsing and highly chaotic
energy, which flew in a straight line towards me. Everything seem fine
so far right? Wrong. "Achoo" Genma sneezed, tilting the gun slightly,
causing the 'attack' to shift down into my direction, instead of
continuing overhead, as it would have. I screamed before it hit me, "YOU
RETAAAAAAARD!"

Still, despite his screw up, it had its desired effect. 'Master' had
long since seen the attack coming, flaring his Ki mighty impressively;
he forced it 'up' so that the inertia could push him 'down' towards me.
Since the fat retarded pig sneezed, the blast of emerald green light
managed to slam into 'Master' first, and then it carried onto me. As my
world went black in unbelievable pain, the image of a sharp katana
slicing off Genma's pecker and head popped into mind. Oh yes, mom was so
going to love THIS!

**
???(1)

"NOOOOOOOO" screamed the platinum haired goddess as she watched her
plans backfire. 10 /years/ down the tubes! God damnit why don't my plans
ever work! I freed Happosai so he could banish Genma, and then pick up
my Avatar's tutelage! Not get himself and /her/ Avatar banished! "WHY
ALWAYS ME!!!" she screamed to the heavens in rage.

If the aforementioned goddess had been paying attention to her
surroundings, she would have noticed the angry blond goddess who had
just appeared beside her.

Two quick breaths, a flexing of muscles, and the blond bitch slapped the
Platinum haired one straight from her station, through a crowd of
Angels, down a path of soul's, and into a lake of Crystalline water.
Ouch.

As she popped to the surface, a very noticeable welt growing on her
cheek, she snarled at the blond goddess, "Why did you do that!" Then she
took a closer look at 'whom' she just yelled at, and suddenly felt like
finding a tv and running. If the sparks of hellfire forming in the
goddess's hands indicated anything, it was that she was about to be
involved in a lot of pain.

"URD! YOU KILLED MY AVATAR!" the blond yelled as she leveled a gaze of
malicious intent upon the self proclaimed Goddess of Love and the Past.
"You have /any/ idea how long it took to get Father to let me have
another one? Do you! And you /killed/ him!

Urd began sweating bullets, she was in deep shit unless she could calm
her friend down, "Aphrodite! He's not dead! I swear" lightning sounded,
but Urd continued anyway "give me a second to explain! Damnit " the
thunderous clouds increased in their rage with each 'curse' word " He is
/my/ Avatar too! Father only agreed to the whole Avatar arrangement so
long as we managed to share! Don't worry! I know how to get him back!"

Dousing and smothering her 'righteous wrath' for the moment, Aphrodite
eye'ed the goddess of the past harshly, "Explain, and explain now. Sugar
coat it and no force on Asgard will save your ass!" That was the end of
the line though, as 'Father' let off two super powered lightning bolts,
in retribution for their break in the rules. He sure showed them!

***

It's been eight years, I reflected as I continued my forward march alone
through the windy grasslands, eight years since Grandfather and I
arrived in this new and magical world. A world where what both He and I
believed to be impossible, was made possible. Dragons, Elves, Dwarfs,
and Magic existed here, where before they were nothing more than
figments of over active imaginations.

"Stupid Genma" I state softly in my reflections. I had taken to calling
Happosai pops not long after we both appeared in this world. For some
reason, I couldn't bring myself to even /think/ Genma was my real father
anymore. Happosai became my stone in this world of perpetual chaos when
we arrived. Oh sure, it sucked at first. He blamed me for this mess;
even beat the ever-living shit out of me a few times. Guess I grew on
him though, because just after four quick months of brutality I finally
warmed up to him. Warmed up and accepted me as his student in the Art.
His training methods were so different than what Genma had been teaching
me. Way different, and boy did I ever find out

**

One such difference.

"Hey boy" called my surrogate father as we stalked quietly through the
town of Durpan. We had stopped here for a quick 'training' session and a
bite to eat. Over the first few months he had been reviewing all the
'training' Genma had put me through, and sought to drive it home that my
father was indeed a retard. "Yeah pop?"

"Revision number one, son" I can honestly say he said that with real
emotion, like I was the son he never had, or wanted if his sneer was any
indication. "That utter bullshit Genma fed you about 'It's a martial
artists duty to protect the weak' is a load of horse shit. Your going to
forget it right now!'

Needless to say I was confused. If the code of the martial artist wasn't
to protect the weak, then what the hell was I learning the crap for?
"It's a martial artist's duty to 'protect' and 'service' women my boy!
Men can go beat off or whatever, they can take care of themselves. The
true calling is to learn everything you can to 'please' a woman, and of
course protect her from the occasional dumb fuck" I snickered, rather
proud of myself for getting him to curse so openly. He had tried to
break me of my cursing habit early on, but in the end I converted him!
Hahaha "who would dare try to steal her away as a prospective member of
your harem!" pop finished as he puffed his chest out. I boggled at the
stupidity of the statement, but being young as I was I figured it was as
true as anything old Genma sprouted off.

"So I won't be a martial artist until I can form this… harem?" I asked,
rightly confused from this change in perspective he was trying to nail
into me. "What's a harem?" I asked, exulting in my own naivety.

"Boy, a Harem is gods gift to those very few martial artists who walk
the true path! After 'protecting' and 'servicing' enough women, they
will willing follow you around, doing nearly everything you wish and in
turn 'protect' and 'service' you as best they can! You understand what
I'm getting at boy?"

Course I didn't, but he didn't need to know that bit just yet. How the
hell he expected me to understand was beyond me, considering I had yet
to even hit puberty! "Can you teach me pop? I wanna be the bestest
martial artist in the world!" And like the foolish boy I use to be, I
threw away Genma's tenets of honor as I picked up a more powerful art,
at least in my opinion. The art of lechery and depravity!

**
Back to the present.

I stopped in my onward march, sitting on a conviently placed boulder to
rest my weary legs and douse my growing thirst with a quick chug of
water. After which I allowed my eyes to drift over the open field,
mentally noting I was within an hours reach of Seer's Hamlet, and near
the end of Pop's secret mission. I still don't understand why he sent me
here to see the tournament of arms. This 'tournament' was nothing more
than a glorified way for abunch of retarded morons to beat the
ever-living crap out of each other. Heh, I did that where ever I went,
so why should I bother with a tournament?

"What's so important that has grandfather sending me off alone for
this?" I mentally reviewed the plan Pop had described to me. I'm suppose
to arrive on the last day of the tournament, sit in my assigned seating,
and make a comment about the current Arm's master just as the final
fight to decide if the old armsmaster would retain her position, or if
she would be defeated and the winner becoming the new arms master began.
Everyone pretty much knew Julia Brigand-Diggers would remain the
armsmaster. Despite the numerous entries, none of the participants had
any type of 'real' training like me and pop's did. If rumors were right,
Vulgroth was in the final's, and everyone knows about his humiliating
defeat I handed that elf not a month ago. The fight was a kinda stupid
one in my own opinion, but as pop put it 'Practice makes perfect' so I
practiced the art. Did pretty damn good to, that is until Vulgroth came
home and found me and his wife getting down and randy.

"What a loser." I state. I didn't really understand or care for his
reaction. I mean, its not like we actually did 'it'. There was
absolutely no reason to try and decapitate me like he did. Ah well.. I
remember it clearly.. the fight, as one sided as it was, amused the hell
out of me..

**

The fight

"YOU BASTARD!" roared the silver haired elven blademaster as he pulled
his sword from his sheath. I guess I can kinda understand his reaction,
what with his wife mewing in orgasmic delight, with me just barely
finished dropping my pants. I never seemed to get the chance to actually
get some, get some and finally lose my damn virginity. Of course pop's
always laughed his ass off when I get interrupted, and I could almost
swear he went out of his way to tell my 'conquests' significant others
about what was about to happen. He must really love to screw with me,
and I swear if I ever found out that he indeed went out of his way to
stop me from finally getting laid I would kill him. Eight years of pent
up sexual frustration gets kinda old after awhile.

I quickly grabbed a spoon from the table while drawing in environmental
Chi from the environment, subsequently enhancing my chosen implement of
disaster, as well as allowing a few wisps of my inner Ki to run through
out my body, stimulating senses and my adrenal glands to increase
strength, coordination, agility, and all those other wonderful senses
that saves people like me from becoming sishcabob. "Enguard 'limpy'!"
Still couldn't believe his wife called him that, it was rather
embarrassing to know your 'competition' was impotent. Ah well, none of
my business.

What followed next could only be described as the most humiliating
defeat for the experienced blademaster in the history of the world. Our
fight had been forced out of the house and into the town. The sight of a
young /human/ boy, with his pants dropped to his ankles holding his own
and BEATING a professional at the sword with a WOODEN spoon was just to
much for those watching to stand. So they roared in laughter for the
remainder of the fight, some of the women even fainting as my boxers
fell down and revealed me in all my glory during the fight.

After trouncing him, I shuffled my feet, still refusing to pick up my
pants, back into his house, hoping against hope I could finish one of
these practice sessions! To my dismay, Inadra had fallen asleep, causing
my raging hard on to grow limp. It's no fun if they're unconscious, so I
sighed and left, all the while cursing jealous 'limpy' men for
interrupting my 'practice'.

**
Back to the present

Pushing myself off the boulder, I continued on my way towards Seer's
Hamlet, picking up the pace abit as I drew Chi in from around me, and
used it to augment my speed. Nowhere near the levels of those 'fabled'
were-cheetahs, but still extremely impressive for a honest to god NORMAL
human.

Within 20 - 30 minutes I arrived at my destination. It was still
relatively early in the morning, and the Tournament wouldn't start up
for another hour or so. Deciding to stay here the night, I rented out a
room at a local inn, stashing my stuff inside before heading for the
Arena. Might as well get there early.

Even though there was still a good forty minutes left until the final
fight started, the place was packed. Ignoring the rather tantalizing
assortment of 'were cats' that prowled the area, I quickly took my seat,
next to some tall bearded dude that just screamed 'I have a stick shoved
up my ass'. Ignoring my surroundings as I contemplated my plans, I lost
track of time and sooner than I expected the final fight had almost
started.

When Vulgroths name was announced, I jumped and waved in excitement,
gathering his attention, I was rewarded with the most hate filled glare
'limpy' could manage. It was bliss! Bliss until he pointedly ignored me.
What a spoiled sport! Settling back in my seat, I waited patiently for
this fight to start.

Silence descended upon the crowd as each of the weapon masters were
introduced. Master Leep, I already knew. Happosai and I spent many a day
'training' in his citadel. He had to physically eject us in the end,
seems we were disrupting all his 'fun'. Whatever.

When the dark elf war mage Karia was announced, I once again hooted and
hollered to get her attention. The 'stick up ass' guy stared at me like
I was insane, in which everyone joined when she waved excitedly and
blushed quiet visibly. A lot harder than you imagine considering her
skin tone. Karia always was a fox, she didn't mind me 'pleasuring' her,
but she refused to 'pleasure' me until marriage or some crap. I ignored
the whole marriage comment, as Happosai had long since pressed into me
that Marriage is a temptation women give to deride from the true form of
the art, and I should never ever fall into it.

Once again I tuned out the rest of the announcements as the remaining
eight were announced, I didn't know them nor did I care. When it came
time for Vulgroth to chose the two weapon masters he had to fight before
fighting the Armsmaster, they all refused to face him, some crap about
beating them in combat before. I didn't believe it for a second, so I
could only assume they pitied him.

Moment of truth, yeah the moment of truth as Vulgroth butted heads with
the Armsmaster. I let out a contented sigh as I completed this screwed
up mission and stated, "Man that Armsmaster has the biggest ass I've
ever seen!" That's when 'stick up ass' guy's head burst into a flaming
skull of vengeance and the rumble began.. Damnit, my life blows ass.

**

"Shit man! Chill before you kill some one!" I scream while dodging a
multi-faceted beam of fractured light. How the hell did I get into this
mess? One stupid comment about how the Armsmaster of Jade's ass looking
big and this loon throws a hissy fit. Honestly, why is it ever time I
follow Happosai's instructions and compliment a woman's prime feature
the nut jobs come out of the wood works to make my life hell?

"Its not like your tapping that ass! What gives?" the earlier beam of
light tore through a nearby house, toppling surrounding buildings and
throwing small dust storms in all directions. This screw job was packing
some serious power!

Said loon, aka Dr. Theodore Diggers, was seething like a demon from the
lower echelon of hell. He retorted, "THAT'S MY WIFE YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT!"

'Oops' was all that was going through my mind at THAT statement. What
are the odds pop gets me to sit down next to a sorcerer as powerful as
this one, who also happens to be the husband for the Armsmaster of Jade,
the woman who I was ordered to make a rather sexist remark about? I
suddenly get an odd feeling theirs a conspiracy out to get me. The Kami
must hate me.

"Okay.. so you ARE tapping that ass. Don't you old farts like it when
younger guys find your wives attractive?" Sheesh. Its not like I'm
screwing the woman. I lament; this seems to always happen to me. What
the hell did I do to deserve this? Every time I comment on a guy's wife
looks he goes into a finely honed rage of utter jealousy and
destruction.

Like a flash of lightning, or maybe the fireball spell said retarded
psychopath just threw at me, I realize what must be happening. It's so
obvious that I should have seen it after the first dozen times! I'm down
right dead sexy, and on some subconscious level these goons must be
thinking I'm after their wives, possibly to join in one of my no doubt
demonic harems. Whatever, I'm still a freaken virgin damnit!

Perhaps lamenting at my bad luck was a bad thing. I note, as I narrowly
avoid a razor sharp scimitar aimed for the back of my head, while also
dodging what looked like a disintegration beam from the loon, I coulda
sworn that spell was forbidden! That's life I guess.

Low and behold a pedophiles dream walks before me. Crazy chick wielding
the scimitar is obviously one of the many were creatures that prowl this
side of quantum stability. Short, like a demure French woman, this
obviously YOUNG female were-jaguar snarls as I comment, "Hey baby, what
gives?" What's the deal with screaming 'KAPOWIE' at everything? She must
have just hit puberty, or she's on the rag, whatever.

"Geesh babe, can't you calm that demented sorcerer down? He's tearing up
the town!" I spoke cheerfully, while side stepping to the left, and then
forward into her downward slash, I had just decided to have alittle fun
with the young woman. Expertly snaking my hand around her waist, and
quickly grabbing a feel off her ass. Nice and firm, I note. "Hmmm, you
certainly are a sexy kitten aren't you." My gray-blue eyes traveling up
from their lecherous gaze of her breasts, to the atomic rouge blush
adorning her cheeks. Cool, looks like I might be able to score me some
finally. Being an eighteen year old virgin really sucks,

"AND HERE YOU ARE MOLESTING TOTAL STRANGERS?!?!" yelled the loon.

Oops, forgot about him, ah well I'm screwed now, no point to resist. I
do, however, manage to turn around just in time to say, "What can I say?
She's hot." Right before the asshole's paralysis beam knocks my world
for a loop. Dropping to the ground as I did, I'm rewarded with a sharp
kick to the balls from the 'KAPOWIE' chick. Thank the gods for small
miracles, that being the complete temporary block of all nervous system
functions, and then my world goes black.

***

Awakening slowly, I was greeted by ungodly pain in my crotch and head,
side effects of the magical and physical attacks I had endured. I
inquired to no one in particular, "Why me?"

"Because you're a lecherous pervert that's why!" screeched a familiar
voice. Risking the ungodly pain I was sure would follow my actions, I
forced open my eyes and winced at as the light burned into my eyes. It
felt as if solar hellfire had, and still was burning its way into my
brain. Must have a concussion. I retort to the young woman, "Pervert?
What the hell did I do?"

Adjusting to the light in the room, I take the time to note my
surroundings. Ten by ten room, a single cot, a bucket for god only knows
what, and enough magical shielding to stave off a nuclear winter. Yep,
I'm in jail again. What a jiff.

"You physically attacked me!" said the young woman who I now realize as
the 'KAPOWIE' girl. "And attacking a member of the Edge Guard is a
serious offence!" Edge Guard? Her? Oh wait, that's right. I remembered
once hearing from one of my best friends, Tigra I think his name was,
about some defective were-jaguar running around the guards. Guess this
must be her.

"You weren't complaining earlier I noticed." Then I blinked in surprise
as her face lit up like that strange magical reindeer with the red nose
from my home world. Falling into one of my well-rehearsed alibi's, I
continue in the most sincere voice I could muster at the moment.
"Anyways, I'm not drunk anymore, so can you let me out?"

'KAPOWIE' girl seemed to deflate at my excuse; "You mean you only.." she
sighed in rejection, then continued, "did that because you were drunk.
Of course, no guy would ever do that with me."

What's wrong with her? "Umm, yeah? But seriously, I.. umm," I had the
decency to blush at this point, continuing "I still would have done it
thought, your.. heh… pretty damn hot."

Despite my rather sexist comment, which I was sure would have earned me
another 'KAPOWIE', she seemed overwhelmingly pleased by my statement, as
though she's never been complimented like that before me. Real
confidence problem here, I note.

"So sexy, how about letting me out of here. We can go on a date or
something, real romantic type of thing if yah know what I mean."

Another voice made itself heard, sounding tough and kinda macho like
Genma and pop always said I had to be, "You will be going no where,
convict." Scorn dripped from the as of yet unseen owner of the voice.
"Except to the mines if I have anything to say about it!" He finally
came into vision. Another were-jaguar, only not defective like the small
bundle before my eyes. To bad, him being male I mean, I'm kinda curious
about the differences between the reject and the accepted versions.

"Uh, I take it I'm in trouble for defending myself? Aye?"

"Sheila" said the guy, oddly sounding like I interrupted a whack off
session he had been in, just before he could gain release, annoyed and
pissed off while ignoring my comment. "The council of Mages are prepared
to sentence him. Chain him up, its time for judgment to pass."

Geesh, all I did was comment on a girl's fat ass! This guy sounds like
I'm about to be put to death! Damn you Happosai, I'll get you for this!

" 'kay Gar, give me a minute. I wanna KAPOWIE him one more time.." I
spied a growing smirk on this 'Gar's' face, oddly getting a feeling of
impending doom when it came to Sheila's request. "Yah know.. if
commenting on some one's looks is THIS bad, I'd hate to see what happens
to people who actually perform REAL crimes in this city!"

Gar, aka homosexual pedophiliac, simply exited the room. Sheila, an evil
and oddly enough familiar smirk adorning her features as she stalks up
to the bars, fishing around her key belt for the right key to open my
cell. During this I began contemplating escape. I'm not bound, obviously
this guard is weaker than the others, and it would be mere child's play
to flow through the shadows once I get out of this anti-magic zone. Yes,
I think that's what I'll do..!!!!!!!!

Sheila, taking advantage while my attention had been focused on my
escape plan, lunged into my waiting arms, soft and luscious lips
colliding with mine. Her tongue snaking its way in as I open my mouth to
gasp in surprise. What the hell just happened? Why is she kissing me
when she wanted to 'KAPOWIE' me? Why the hell is she grasping my crouch
like a drowning woman? Whoa.. why am I complaining?!?

Taking advantage of the situation, I turn and push her down roughly onto
the cot, pinning her arms in the process of eliciting a guttural moan
from her lips. My left leg, once thought useless for anything more than
walking and performing my martial arts, found its way in-between her
shapely legs. Slowly raising my knee up and down, Sheila purred loudly
as I rubbed against her inner thighs, all the while our tongues playing
the tango. I couldn't suppress a grin as my ministrations already
started showing pay dirt. Her scream of pleasure resounding throughout
the small room and out into the halls beyond. No doubt alerting the homo
to our actions. Releasing one of her arms, I snake my hand under her
shirt and gently rub one of her petite breasts, idly tapping passion
points here and there, my thumb and index finger teasingly squeeze the
tip of her nipple as I journey to bring her world crashing down around
her in orgasmic bliss.

This is the reason I'm still a virgin, despite my knowledge of passion
shiatsu points, despite my excellent control over Ki induced lust, and
despite my raging hard on something always has to ruin my fun. Gar, with
a cry of "Kinkajaga Suisei" blasts me off Sheila into the wall, and into
blissful unconsciousness. Before I fall into waiting oblivion, I hear
the words that are like sweet music to my ears, and the only reason I
haven't killed Happosai for all his interference. "DAMNIT GAR I WAS
/THIS/ CLOSE" Ah, life is good.

**

Once again awakening from a pre-mature induced coma, I'm treated to the
sight of the inner conclave of mages all stationed around me. I groan
against the injustice of it all, and voice out "Geesh, you guys sure are
rude to your guests." Idly noting that I'm bound up in enough chains to
completely restrict movement, and if I wasn't so tough, cut off my
ability to breath. Must have been Gar's work, jealous little fugger.

"What? You guys afraid I'll tear your eyes out or something? I'm just a
freaken human, not some half dragon bent on world conquest. Yeesh."

No one laughed; it wasn't a funny statement anyway. Instead, the loon
from earlier stood up and addressed the council, "Fellow mages of the
conclave, we bring forth this criminal, who is charged with out right
attacking my personage and endangering innocent lives in his attempt on
my life."

"WHAT THE FUCK? You little son of a bitch! You attacked -me-!! Just
cause I commented your wife had a big ass you felt the need to go off
the deep end? You got any idea how many people /you/ hurt and nearly
/killed/ because of your pride?!?" I screeched. Why is it everyone is
always trying to fuck with me? What total BULL SHIT. Thankfully, the
kami were smiling on me.

Bugee, or at least I think his name was, stood up while some of the
other mages restrained the lunatic. "Yes.. Saotome Ranma, we know the
truth of what has happened, and we will be releasing you for your crimes
against Mr. Diggers." I smiled smugly at that, and stuck my tongue out
at the mage in question as his head bursts into a glowing flaming skull.
Heh, life's sweet!

"However, your assault on a edge guard member will not go unpunished.
Reviewing your past records, we the conclave have decided your in need
of.. Professional.. uh.. Reprogramming I guess is the term." Bugee, who
suddenly smiled like a cat about to unleash holy hell on mice, turned to
Dr. Diggers and continued, "This will also incorporate your punishment,
for your attack on a relatively innocent man."

Theo Diggers adopted the same confused look as I did, we both asking at
the same time, "What kind of 'reprogramming'? And what do I have to do
with it?"

Something seemed odd about this situation, and I could almost swear
Happosai planned this. It was just to convient, how everything fell into
place. Yep. Had to be pop. When I see him, I'm going to kick his cabbage
patch ass all over the eastern continent!

"We will attach the 'Reform' equipment to him" he motioned to a
previously unnoticed table, on which consisted a collar, two bracelets,
and two ankle chains. Oh great, they're just out to tie me down like all
the other women! Well I'll show them, just as soon as I figure out how
to get out of this mess. No OLD gay men are going to get the best of me!
I won't be no one's bitch!

"While under its effects, you /will/ instill etiquette and morals into
the boy. The boy before you will grow and learn the errors of his ways
under YOUR tutelage. We the conclave have decreed, and thus it will be
done." I could almost swear that burning skull of rage wasn't magic, it
looked to damn real!

"Are you insane?!?! You want me to bring that.. that.. LECHER into my
home?!?" he screeched. Deciding I'd rather not remain here to listen to
this, I make the statement, "Chill man, its not like I want to sleep
with that fat ass you call a wife."

BBZZZTTZ.

Once again smashed into dreamland via a well-place, and very painful,
paralysis attack I swore an oath to get revenge against pop for this
shit. Well, least I don't have to listen to their shit anymore. Once
again, my world goes black.

Authors Notes: This is it! Final revision! Hope you like, and I demand
C&C! Even if its just 'You suck ass Matdeception' I want it! For those
with more, uh, 'private' messages send them to narkanarka@hotmail.com.
Thanks.

1) Got this idea from 'A Time for Wild Horses' by Jose Agro(or
something) and Kaiton's ˝ a moon fic. Hope you don't mind.